Dealing with a Little Pressure

For months, I have been wrestling with trying to make what feels like an important decision regarding my children's educations in the future. I don't know what is best, and I don't know what God is asking me to do--or if He's asking me to do anything in particular. Maybe I'm supposed to persevere? Maybe I'm supposed to change a course--but it feels like throwing in the towel altogether? Maybe I'm supposed to do some mix of things? Could it be the thing that seems easiest for me is also best for them? Or do I have to choose among them? Or is nothing best?

For Easter, my mother-in-law gave me A Year with C.S. Lewis: Daily Readings from His Classic Works. This is a blessing because it gives me just one or two paragraphs with something thoughtful to consider. I really have little attention for more. I've been pausing at nap time the last few days with my reheated coffee, scraps of scripture, and this book. It's good to have a plan. (My read-through-the-Bible chronologically plan has not altogether failed, but I did get mired down in Leviticus, so I'm taking a break on that.) Today's reading from Lewis was a section from Screwtape Letters, where the senior demon writes to his demonic mentee:

"You complain that my last letter does not make it clear whether I regard being in love as a desirable state for a human or not....Leave them to discuss whether 'Love,' or patriotism, or celibacy, or candles on altars, or teetotalism, or education, are 'good' or bad'. Can't you see there's no answer? Nothing matters at all except the tendency of a given state of mind, in given circumstances, to move a particular patient at a particular moment nearer to the Enemy or nearer to us." 

I had been talking with my dear friend just this morning about something very like this regarding my own options. Turning to my Bible, I found the bookmark ribbon at 2 Corinthians 2, so I turned back a page to start at the beginning. There, I found this:

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us..." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10 NIV)
Pressure is what I've been feeling, from the demands of parenting and homeschooling, and from the thought of making a change in it all. Not great pressure, not despairing-of-life pressure, but still uncomfortable. I felt like that these disciples wrote these for me today--that I would be encouraged to learn what it means in this moment, in this season, to rely not on myself but on God. Let me use this opportunity to let God move me closer to Him, to continue to trust him and prove him faithful--rather than to think that I've got to figure it out on my own, or that somehow by making a particular decision I'll be guaranteeing an outcome. Let me walk in the path I've got light for, ask God to continue giving me light to walk, and keep on trusting Him to handle the future. 

2 comments

  1. "Walking in the path I've got light for." So good. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. ❤️

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  2. Hey Friend.. know that I am praying for you while you process what all this means and we will still be friends regardless of the decision!

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